I don’t wanna do this… I don’t wanna… We’ll get through it together It’s… …oh. What are your thoughts and feelings on this title screen? Uhh… It’s just the same shot of her holding the gun It’s just her, but from three different angles and it’s looping That’s all it is! Well, probably what happens when you hit it, it’ll it’ll probably like switch to a different girl and it’ll do the same thing for like a different character and she’ll be holding a different gun No, it’s still her Oh! I have no idea what this is about by the way Oh no… All I know is that we are school girl zombie hunters I mean the title says it all Oh my God! Oh, okay What is g- What and the car was still fine!?
Guess we’re not driving home She blew it up with her mind Are zombies like, an established thing in this world? She seems to be taking it pretty well She just walked outside and there are zombies everywhere and she doesn’t give a shit Well no, she was running like (anime girl huffing noise) and now she’s outside, she’s like ”huh” ”oh it’s just zombies, okay” Yeah? So she just already had a piece on her, huh? Okay, that’s fine Sorry, the pacing of this cutscene is just staggering Wait did she pass out?! I-I guess? Why did she pass out? Who’s Risa!?
What happened? Wait, why did she pass out!? Oh sorry, my narcolepsy kicked in Oh wow this is still going huh? This is a long-ass intro and still it’s It accomplished nothing
It said nothing Exactly Oh my God WHOOHOO Okay, whoooo, okay!
Now we’re playing the game Okay…
Alright, how does it feel? How does it feel? Uhh Surprisingly smooth? Okay, good
Umm…. Okay, okay, don’t, wow okay My skirt just disappears when I roll I’m going… real fast You sure are Ahh oh my God It’s like- (I wish I knew how to subtitle these sounds) And the fucking blur, it’s like- You turn your head one centimeter and she’s just fsdfgasdfghj ”Risa reunion” ”Zombie attack” These are brilliantly named Are those all the missions? Like is there- Can you scroll down or is that it? I can’t scroll down Oh, well I was saying like, every mission that you, all the question marks is that just every mission? I don’t know… Because that would be hilarious I don’t know… Why does she have a gun!? Is she a high schooler?
They still haven’t answered that question Yeah! Because like, okay I mean maybe, maybe they will ~*reveal*~ as they go we’re playing In media res, Sophie so it’s happening in the middle of the story So they’re gonna explain to us later if zombies are like a natural occurring problem and just every schoolgirl carried a piece on her and oh another passout These girls have really low blood sugar, they just keep passing out ”Everything gets really blurry…” ”You fainted!” ”No, I know, I remember blacking out thank you” She’s like bleeding from her forehead ”What happened?” One eye is like drifting off, like ”Wha? What happened??” Oh… I don’t like her! Why? There’s something unsettling about her face, I don’t know It’s just her face! I thought she said something that made you uncomfortable like ”oh uh, we can’t trust her” it’s like ”no I just don’t like her face” Why are we having this conversation now?! I freaked out for a second cause I was looking real close it looks like she doesn’t have teeth! Ugh! They pulled them all out All the zombies… The zombies pulled them all out while she was unconscious What are you…
”I got it!” What are you gonna do with a wooden sword against a zombie? Give this girl a gun! You have a gun!
Yeah! Give her a gun!
But no! She’s probably really good at kendo or something! Oh yeah probably She’s the kendo star! I forgot this is anime ”I’lL pRoTeCt YoU rIsE” She has a walkie-talkie on her ass It’s just stapled to her butt ”wHaT?” ”HUH???”
”I can’t hear you over this hip-hop” ”I can’t hear you over these lo-fi beats” This music sounds like… This music sounds like the music that would play in transitions before it goes to commercial for like Goosebumps That’s so specific!
Like a stinger- Like a stinger just happened WAIT WHAT
”Let’s go exploring no!” WHAT DO YOU NEED A WOODEN SWORD-
WHAT THE FUCK WHOOOA! (Sophie dies) Wha- Bitch, what do you mean, what do you mean ”wooden sword”!? What is that!? What the FUCK? Yeah! ”Let’s go get a wooden sword” my fucking ass! What do you want a wooden sword for?! OH MY GOJDKSLADS what the fuck She’s just ??? She’s just mowing people down??? She’s just- What is she doing!?? OOOH She just fucking Blair Witch’ed on us! What is she doing?? What made that better was you just had to huge conversation with her like: ”Don’t worry, I’ll protect you!” like ”you’ll be safe as long as you stick with me!” (gun noise) ”I’m so scared! Rise protect me!” (more gun noises) It’s- Her following me is more scary than anything else I’ve seen so far Her gun is gonna go off and shoot you in the back of the head! WHAT THE- (more death) OH MY GOD Why’d she shoot out the window!? It makes it funnier with how loud it is like it’s SO loud! She doesn’t need anyone! I don’t have to do anything! This has now become a reverse escort mission Oh my God… The noise is so fucking funny It’s so loud! It’s like ear-deafening! Who the fuck did the audio mixing for this!? If I spint can she keep up? She’s not here? Oh, there she is
She can probably teleport Probably, yeah Just her running at you with a fucking AK-47 It’s really scary! I love you walking in the line of fire H-Hey, how’s it- how’s… How’s it go- How’s it going? And, I think what kicked me the most is like as soon as the cutscene ended she just opened fire She really did!
As soon as it cut She really fucking did New tier list, starting from the bottom up, we got Resident Evil 2, Devil May Cry 5 Zombie Girl Squad, game of the year sorry Have you guys seriously not played School Girl Zombie Hunter? is that the name? I forget already Aw Jesus Oh you got this? Okay cool You can just sit on the floor Hey could you kill that one? Okay thanks man These, by the way, these tutorials need to go away they’ve been on-screen for like 45 mintues oh we’re here, we’re here, we’re here we’re gonna get our wooden sword ahh, mission complete! That was a real… Real hard one! How does her hair work? It doesn’t You see what I mean? The ribbon kinda like stick out… They are Wait, what are they attached to? They’re just like stuck in her hair? Yeah that’s what I’m saying, they’re just… They’re like coming out
Yeah… They’re like inside her hair and they’re coming out Like there was hair there originally but when you pull the hair off there’s just red ribbons God, these school uniforms look so fucking serious business They look like they’re in biker gangs They look like they should be squatting in an alley, going ”what’s up fucker!?” like screaming at people They look like they’re made out of leather Right, that’s what I’m saying They’re leather biker gang jackets that you wear to school because it’s mandatory NO! NO! Did you not see five minutes earlier!? D!?
a D! You got a D! D!?!? How’d you get a D? Probably cause I didn’t do anything Probably cause you made her do all the work! I was gonna say, like, it’s pretty un-horny so far? Yeah, I mean, except for the part where you roll over and your entire skirt just inverts? goes against the laws of gravity, but… We don’t know anything about these people! What!? Your parents are dead!? And your brother!? Sophie they’re telling us right now! They’re dumping all the info on us! What does you getting better with a polearm have to do with your fucking family dying? No, because she could’ve protected her family even though I guess she had a fucking AK-47 she could’ve used She’s gunning down people in the street, crying: ”I can’t protect anyone!” She’s unloading on a horde of zombies like: ”I can’t protect my family!!” These girls have one lip movement :V Oh wow this is awesome This fucking rocks man! I love this game now! Umm..? That little loop you just did… (action noises) Oh okay Sorry, I’m bopping to this Limp Bizkit music they’re playing right now ♪Hands up-a-hands down!♪ ♪BACK UP, BACK UP♪ Oh okay? Mission complete! Wooow I ran through like, two hallways That went well! That went fantastic! Wowie! ”I’m ready for a nap!” How was that a mission? I seriously think I ran through two hallways What the fuck? Oh, you gotta get your sniper friend! (loudest reload in the world) Oh, there are two of ’em GOD DAMN IT (Shib loses it) Cool I guess they’re at a school where they’re training to hunt zombies? Is that it? Or are they… Oh my God… Oh my God… It never gets old! It feels like a Left 4 Dead mod where you can just replace Coach with Miku or something It does! I was trying to get…
Are you trying to make her look at me? ”You wanna dance?” She’s threatening me! What is.. You know what it looks like? It looks like that hamster that’s like squished? The hamster that’s facetiming you!?
You know what I mean? Yeah! Yeah, yeah Wait, what did… What did she see that I didn’t? Did she just shoot blindly? Her voice can just do that now, it’s like: ”Waah, stay alive!” It’s like in Kuroko no Basket when Kagami dunks, and some like, the Generation of Miracles all turn around cause they heard it somehow? She’s like Lili She’s like bargain bin Lili from Tekken ”Lone Flower” ”After hearing Sayuri’s broadcast, the group finds a fifth sur-” I almost read ”a filthy survivor” ”A disgusting survivor” ”A stinky survivor” ”Dripping in sewage” Has the same song been playing in every mission? I can’t tell oh Oh no! Ahh, that’s not how anything works You’re proud? I don’t think you’re that proud of your martial arts skills if you’re carrying around Considering you’re wielding a shotgun, yeah
yeah! let me shoot the shotgun, let me shoot the shotgun, let me shoot the shotgun let me shoot the shotgun Alright Why would she- How does she know that?
Oh, thank you game Thank you game! This is- This is a new level she knows she’s in a video game This is meta School girl Zombie hunter! ”School girl Zombie hunter!”
They’ve said that every single time In case you forgot Yeah in case you forgot which game you’re playing It looks like she’s physically stopping herself from T-posing like she’s trying to hold her arms down? It’s taking every bone in her body, every muscle! That’s why she’s so ditzy, it’s because like 90% of her brain is focused exclusively on keeping her arms down The fades are driving me nuts It’s really annoying It’s absolutely annoying
It’s so distracting It’s making me like more aware of my own actual blinking? I’m gonna be surprised if we like all make it out of here alive I think this girl is gonna kill everyone Wait how do you know that? Is this Daft Punk? wHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING SOPHIE!? They’re also talking about like… nothing! ”Okay, we’re childhood friends” but like It’s small-talk crap She literally just said it! Thank you for moving the plot along! At least the sociopath knows how to move the story forward ”You guys know we’re in a video game, right? We have to keep going?” Time to go gals! Uhhh What? Time to go Come on ladies! I’m sorry, what? Time to shuffle!
I’m sorry, what? The noise clipping over itself is so… (gun noises) (more gun noises) ”Onegaishima-” (GUN) I like how everyone has health bars and absolutely nothing has happened to any of us Augh (sneeze) I think I’m having an allergic reaction to this game I don’t know, the game runs surprisingly well and it doesn’t look half-bad, but like holy shit is it boring ”Uh Captain, we’re gonna go drop the supply load off for these girls that are holding off for the thing, where should we, where should we put the box?” ”I don’t know, right there in the middle of the baseball field where all the zombies are” ”That’s a good idea corporal, thank you, we’re heading back to base camp ok” ”You see where they’re all like, localized? Like, there’s like 40 of them? Just drop it there” ”I’m sure the girls can pick it up” I don’t know like if you’re gonna make a game like this at least make it fun to play or like a little bit challenging Like this doesn’t have to be a cutscene? What is she doing? Is she trying to eat all the food? She’s gonna eat all the food! They’re all sociopaths, awesome! w h a t t h e f u c k i s h a p p e n i n g w h a t t h e f u c k i s g o i n g o n Oh my God… Is the plot twist that they’re all sociopaths except Sayuri? Is everyone just gonna be fucking crazy? Two minutes left of holding R2 I feel like I could be multitasking like I could be cooking dinner as I’m playing this I can actually just play this with one hand I don’t even… …have to use both hands to play this That’s the sign that you’ve made a fantastic action title! I wish this game had friendly fire That would at least make like ”Oh shit, can’t hit my friend!” and you’d have to move a little bit but it’s like ”no” Why are you fighting!? cause she’s crazy! She just wants to fucking spice things up? She’s bored? ”I mean, I guess you can come with me if you’re not a bitch but whatever, fuck it” What’s happening, what’s the tea The girls are fighting!! ”No, you were in the last two chapters, you gotta stay now” (Shib yawns) Sorry, I’m having too much fun What the fuck? Are we in like, Indiana Jones ruins? like what’s happening Wha, wait, yeah, wait what? ”Don’t worry girls, if we work together we can steal the declaration of independence” That’s the only way that this game could be saved is if Nicholas Cage pops out
just a massive plot twist Keanu Reeves is in Cyperpunk Nicholas Cage is in School Girl Zombie Hunter Considering you have unlimited ammo, why the fuck would you ever choose to use a sniper? There’s not a single mission so far where I’m like ”I sure wish I had a sniper rifle now” ”With these 45 thousand zombies running straight at me” If the game had perma-death you would at least feel kind of compelled to help the other girls? They’re just like, they’re the last five survivors in the zombie apocalypse but they’re having cat fights? Right? I’d like to think that Well cause one is blatantly crazy, I think two of them are?
one is just stubborn and mean and the other one is a coward Well, the brown-haired girl is just a pushover, the blue-haired girl is just kinda dumb, and like, the two blondes are crazy the green-haired one is like the only one who has her shit together The music is so fucking loud? Like I can barely
”WHAT?” Yeah! I can barely hear them talk because the music is so loud And now suddenly she’s like ”okay but I’m not interested cause I’m actually a bitch” ”I just had to ask you that so you could get some character development” No one does! I remember everything from the day I came out of my mother’s womb! I remember arriving in the hospital I remember looking up at the doctor and saying ”FUCK YOU” There’s just so much talking that I don’t care about! Right… I think we’ve said that about every cutscene it’s like every cutscene is like ”okay, move on now” It’s just like (imitating music) It’s like ”my friend would always help me with my homework…” ”we’ve been together ever since we were babies” (more imitations) The fact that it’s in a school makes it a billion times more difficult to navigate because everything fucking looks the same Yes But it’s very easy to model you right, you right ”I can make the game easier if I just set it in a school” ”If everything is just set in a school, it’ll be so much easier for me to model! Cause I won’t even have to make a whole lot!” ”Hello, ”I can just copy+paste” my name is YandereDev” STOP Fuck all these new games that are coming out, Death Stranding? Code Vein? Fuck all that! Naaah You’ve gotta practice your speedruns I’m playing School Girl Zombie Hunter, practicing my speedruns so that I can get into the top 10 what the fuck Are we gonna get a fucking flashback? Oh my God And it’s not even a flashback to like their childhood together it’s to like 45 minutes ago! Oh I gotta make it to my destination? Okay, fuck this then, bye Yeah, bye See ya later! That one guy chasing you! ”I’m comin’ to getcha!” Yeah you won’t cause you suck ”I guess I won’t be of any help” without turning around, she just lifts her arm and like guns down zombies behind her ~*sigh*~ ”Just can’t do anything…” She’s like doing- she’s twirling guns like fucking Revolver Ocelot like ”I don’t know man, I just can’t, I can’t do anything” Meanwhile it cuts to the blue-haired girl and she’s like picking her nose Her eyes start drifting apart Another flashback!
Stop flashing back!! Another flashback to 45 minutes ago! You don’t like anyone!! It like cloned them? And made them… Made zombie? clones? cause it’s a zombie? like, what are you talking about? Yeah, of course you don’t, cause it’s a zombie? Was that supposed to be clever? ”I don’t look nearly as disgusting as you, you walking corpse!” ”literal dead body!” Stun-locked forever! Die! Now you know how the zombies feel! Oh my God what What the fuck is this? What is this? Like I can’t even stand up? What the fuck is happening? Quick question: what the fuck is this? Like who allowed this? Let me just- Ah, okay Ah yeah, no shit mission failed! Just kick each other That noise! AAAAAAAA I’m gonna defeat her… in hand-to-hand combat… ”deFEET” her by kicking her? Ohh yeah!! Check out this one Comin’ atcha! Whoo-tah! Hi-yah! I’m starting to get the pattern for this fight HOOOH! Sophie, if I had to guess, you’re probably implementing a speedrun strat right now Probably That scream is awful! Yay, you did it Ahh, she’s getting back up That scream… Stooop… She’s already dead! This is… They recorded two screams for her Yeaaah! ”Who’s the real one!?” One is like rotting ”Which one do I shoot!?” She shoots the real one in the head immediately ”Oh my God, I knew I picked the right one!” Triple S baby!! I got the sh- Wait, I got sh… 1,500 points for shotgunner even though I just kicked Take a shower has been unlocked on the profile screen! I ‘ m s o r r y w h a t ? Take a shower has been unlocked on the profile screen! U m . . . O k a y . . . J u s t . . . J u s t m a k i n g s u r e t h a t ‘ s w h a t y o u s a i d . . . Take a shower has been unlocked on the profile scree o k e y d o k e y She’s like the only rational one and people are just giving her shit for no reason Okay, so the game opens with Sa… Sayu… Sayuri? Sayuri? Sayuri or whatever running on the roof Yeah? Like ”ahh, I gotta find my friend!” But like, where did everyone else go, in that time? Like all the other survivors you mean? Like these girls? No, just anyone in the rest of the school students, faculty… No idea! Like where did they go? Why did they just not all evacuate at the same time? Yeah, why did we five… The only thing I can think of is like ”Oh I went back to find my friend!” but then there’s like a bunch of other people there too? And they just have guns? It’s like? okay? I don’t know, it kinda feels like they didn’t really think this through… Maybe that’s just a feeling I have… It’s only 3-4… Ah fuck it, I guess that’s like halfway? Oh my God I guess that’s like halfway… It’s probably a bit more than halfway actually