(traffic whirs) (Patrick laughs) – [Patrick] Yeah. All right, okay. – I told you we should’ve left earlier. Baby, come on, we’re late, we’re late. – Okay, I know, I know, I’m coming, I’m coming, coming, coming. Ah. (grunts) Okay. (grunts)
(Meg knocks on door) – (grunts) Okay. We made it, we’re here. – Okay, okay.
– We’re here. – All right, that was a crazy drive. This traffic is– Hi, I’m so sorry we’re late.
– Hey. How’s it going? Don’t worry about it.
– Good. – Come on in.
– Yep, yep. – Thank you. – Come on in, how are you? – Hi. – You all right? – Yeah, I’m great, I’m great. – Hi, it’s so good to see you.
– So good to see you. Oh my goodness. – Wow. – Come in, come in. We’re just finishing up in here. Yeah, in the kitchen. Hey, Jas, come see who’s here. – [Jasmine] Yay, you’re here. So happy to see you. – Hey, good to see you too. – Oh my god, are you all right? – All right, stop, don’t worry, stop. (Meg laughs) I’m fine. – Well, come, come. Anne-Marie and Julia are in the back. I’ve been talking you up. They’re very excited to meet you. – Well, Meg mostly. – You know, okay, that’s fair. – Wait, where’s Ella? Don’t tell me she’s asleep already. – Oh, yeah, fortunately, she is, yes. – I wanted to see my baby girl. That’s the only reason
I came, was to see her. – Oh, great. – Wow.
(Meg laughs) Listen, you’ll have
more chances to see her. Jon, you good? – Yep, I am right behind you.
– Come on. – Yeah?
– Follow me. You good, you need anything? – Um. (blows raspberries) – You need help? You want me to stick around? – Beer, let’s get outside. – Okay, I can do that. (both chuckle) (grunts) (baby monitor crackles) – Oh. – [Patrick] Actually, believe it or not, they say that teenagers
are having less sex now What do you call a group of bears?
than any generation since the ’50s. – What, for real? Why? – A lot of Netflix and no chill. – [Meg] Literally. – Well, they’re more
interested in watching porn than engaging in actual human contact. – Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
I remember now, I remember. Okay, what was the
question that they asked? At trivia, at trivia,
the one about the bears. – Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. This is ridiculous. (Anne-Marie and Julia laugh) – Wouldn’t that just be
called a pack of bears? The Canadian should know. A pack, right? – Well, I mean, we don’t really stop to name them when we see them. Mostly running away from them, so. (laughs) – The clue that they gave us was, what do detectives do? – What do detectives do? – Uh, intimidate confessions
out of helpless minorities. They do that. – Oh, okay. – Um, anyone? – No idea. – They sleuth. – Mm-hm. – [Julia] Sleuth? – Yes, a group of bears
is called a sleuth, a sleuth of fucking bears. – A sleuth of bears. I would not have guessed that. – There’s more of them. – Oh, wait, no, no, no,
I’ve heard of these. These are like, um, they’re
called, like, collective– – Collective nouns. – What? – Yeah. That’s the name we give
to a group of something. – My baby’s smart. – That’s right. Thank you, professor. – Collective nouns.
(Jasmine laughs) – Look, there’s human ones too. There’s a, um, super– That is not a word I’ve
ever seen, right here. What’s that? – A superfluity of nuns. – Superfluity. Quiz, a quiz of teachers. That’s you, Patrick. – Who comes up with this shit? – But you knew that. – [Julia] There’s a whole list right here. – Wait, what are we? – [Julia] Wait, like, right now? – Yeah. – A company of capitalists. (all chuckle) – How do bears sleuth? (Jon laughs) – You’re still on– – I’m still fucking mad. A sleuth of bears? – Nowhere else for him to go. I never, like, smashed a girl’s windows, or slashed her tires, or anything. I’ve never gone full on
country song on anyone. – But tell them what you did do. – Oh my god. – Tell us. – Um, well, I might’ve– To be fair, her dog was a shithead. (Anne-Marie laughs) Like, a real shithead. – Please don’t tell me that any animals were harmed
in the making of this story ’cause I–
– No, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nothing like that, no, but this dog seriously would
just follow you around, yapping and licking you incessantly, like, to the point that
your arm would get raw from the licking of the– – Okay, okay, anyway. – Anyway, so she just dumped me, and I’m there, cleaning
out the rest of my stuff, and little shithead’s following me around, yapping at my heels, and I… Oh my god. (laughs) – [Jon] Uh oh, oh boy. – This is bad.
– Scared. – I went into the bathroom, and I took out a pair of clippers, and I shaved my name in the dog’s back. (Anne-Marie laughs) (all laugh) – [Patrick] That poor dog. – Julia. – What inspired that bright idea? – I don’t know. To be perfectly honest, I have
no idea what came over me. It was this, like, overwhelming impulse. I just snuck into the yard
(baby monitor crackles) with a pair of clippers and– – Baby, you want me to– – I got it, I got it. You crazy. You guys, please eat. I’ll be right back. I’ll just go. – Was it, like, wiggling and stuff? How’d you keep it still? – Surprisingly docile for what a shithead it was.
– It did? – [Julia] It was like– (all laugh) (music) – All right, Patrick, you’re the teacher. Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that you go through all of
this schooling to teach, you get certified to teach, but then anybody who wants
to homeschool their kids can just pick up a workbook
and call themselves a teacher? – That’s not true at all. I mean, you have to be certified. They use the same curriculum. – What about the social interaction, the peer-to-peer learning? – They don’t sit alone
all day reading books. There’s an entire
community of homeschooling. They have plenty of interaction. – It keeps the numbers
down in my classroom, which is great, I like that, but really, it all comes down
to the kid and the parent. – I personally can’t wait for my kid to learn from her peers and swallow powdered
cleaning products for likes. – Hey, if it means getting a sponsorship from Tide, I say you go for it, Jon. – That’s a fantastic idea. – Thank you. – Well, if the kid is homeschooled, they won’t learn anything from their peers ’cause they won’t have any. – Yeah, but– – Well, Jas, you are
the one with the child, so that’s just your decision to make when the time comes. Ella’s a baby. They probably haven’t
even thought about it. (Anne-Marie clears throat) – Most people figure these
things out early on, Jules. (Patrick clears throat) – Well, I think homeschooling
can be a death sentence to a kid’s evolution. – [Meg] Patrick. – Really? A death sentence? – Okay, not death literally, but when it comes to their
cognitive growth, it can be, like their life skills, their empathy. – So when one of these
kids walks into a school and shoots it up, that’s because– – Oh my god, okay, homeschooling does not
make murderers, okay? Our fucking world of just pure vitriol towards anyone we don’t understand is what is creating this– – Okay, okay, let’s just… (chuckles) Okay, all right, this, this evening, this is
because we are so happy to finally have
(car alarm beeps) our east coast BFFs meet
our west coast BFFs. – Is that our car alarm? That sounds like our car alarm. – [Patrick] Oh, shit. – [Meg] Did I– I put the keys in here. – Guys, I think that’s the neighbor’s car. – Okay, can I continue? – [Meg] Yes, thank you. – And we are so happy that we finally got you out here. We poached you. – We wanted to be poached, right? – [Patrick] Yeah, we did. (Julia laughs) – Cheers. – Cheers. – [All] Cheers. (glasses clink) (Patrick laughs) – Come on, cheers. – Cheers. – Cheers, my dear.
– Cheers, cheers. (Meg laughs) (crickets chirp) – Yeah, I don’t know, man. It’s fucking terrifying, tell you that. I mean, I didn’t think
she’d come out of it. – She’s a warrior. – Yeah, you got that
right, she is, for sure. I mean, I’m a fucking baby, man. (Jon laughs) Things are different now though. – Hey, you’re here. Only good things to look forward to. (gate opens) – Yeah, hm. – [Jon] Excuse me. – Jon? – Can I help you? I think you have the wrong house. Whoa, whoa. – Oh, shit. (eerie music) – [Julia] Somebody do something. – I’m gonna die. Please, please no. – [Julia] Somebody do something. – Give me your money. Right now, do it fast. Get the fuck down. Sit down, sit down. – Okay, okay, okay. – Just stay calm, okay? – Your cash. Give me your fucking cash. – Please, we don’t have any cash. – We don’t carry any cash on us, okay? – How about our phones? Our phones, here. – Give me your watch. – Yeah, hey, we’re just trying to have a good time
with our friends, okay? – Fucking scumbag. – What did you say? (gun clicks) – Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. – What the fuck did you say? – Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We’re just here celebrating, huh? Why don’t you join us? – Shut the fuck up. – Here, have some wine. It’s wonderful. I think that everybody
needs to have wine like this at some point in their lives. Please. It’s good, isn’t it? Here, have some more, hm? Come. (glass clinks) (wine sloshes) – The cheese, it’s really good too. – Yeah, yeah. (Ella coos) (gun clicks) (footsteps scrape) (gate creaks) (music) “In the absence of love and belonging,
there is always suffering.”